Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
