marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Where is the hickey?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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