omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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