No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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