dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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