Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
