I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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