Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
