I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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