Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
