we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
