yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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