I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
