He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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