Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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