my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
