OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
