Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
