DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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