I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
