Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
