honey bunches of taint.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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