yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
