I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
