when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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