we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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