I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
