i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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