So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
