I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
