Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
