Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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