Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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