Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
