WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Randomize
