Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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