new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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