This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
