Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
