Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
