Don't you send me to vm
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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