my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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