I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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