you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
