I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
