giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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