Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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