Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
there was a trapeze. enough said
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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