I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
