New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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