Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
