pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
