Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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